


The Wolf in the Woods

by leeleepupu (MsSalahlah)



Category: Twilight Series - All Media Types, Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-20
Updated: 2019-08-08
Packaged: 2020-07-07 21:00:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,472
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19857952
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MsSalahlah/pseuds/leeleepupu
Summary: A mourning Bella finds her way to the meadow she had often visited with Edward only to find it occupied by another magical creature. A strange friendship blooms between them and Bella soon realizes the wolf is something or someone else entirely.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story picks up after Edward has left. But there will be a lot of changes to the story and events from the canon; unlike the books and the movies where Jacob and Bella spend time working on the dirt bikes , the scene will come later and the sequence has been changed a lot. It won't be difficult to follow if you disregard the canon after Edward's departure entirely. :)

_How do I forget you? How do I keep you and remember you forever?_

Bella sat gazing outside of her window. Edward had left. He was not here. She felt her limbs refusing to move. What did she have apart from Edward? Did anyone love her with their whole heart through their own volition? Bella was not sure.

She closed her eyes. The meadow. The flowers in the meadow. Edward. She opened her eyes. Edward. That was all she could think of. She was annoyed with herself. Where was she to go now? What was she to do? _It would be like I never existed._ Ha! What a lie? Why make such foolish broken promises? What did that even mean? Did he really think robbing Bella of the gifts and the mementos would be equal to disappearing from her memories? It was unfair.

 _Not good enough for me_ , he had said. Bella’s heart ached. It wasn’t something she didn’t know from the beginning. She knew, she had always secretly suspected and waited and counted for Edward to leave. It made no sense for him to be with her in the first place. That’s what she saw in the eyes of Jessica and everyone in school. They said, _what does she have that we don’t?_ and Bella had wondered the same. She felt their covert glee over the break up. Something they expected to happen. Only it was sooner than later than anyone had anticipated, even Bella.

She was so ordinary, and boring. She didn't have a lot to offer. Why would anyone take interest in her? Why had _he_? It confused Bella to no end. And now that he had left, it made sense. It didn't hurt any less, but it did make sense, didn't it? Didn't it...? Then why couldn't she accept it? How was she supposed to accept the fact that she was never going to be loved like that again? 

_How do I forget you? How do I keep you and remember you forever?_ Bella thought to herself. She felt Charlie's eyes on her, watching, cautious and careful. She knew he was going to snap one day but was surprised when it was sooner than she had anticipated. She was really bad at anticipating things, wasn't she, she thought to herself dryly as Charlie slammed his hand on the table, startling her. _Enough_ , he said. Bella felt like she was underwater, watching everything from a place of silence and numbness. What was Charlie saying? His mouth was moving vigorously. He looked upset. _Come out of the water, Bella, come out of the water,_ a voice called out to her. _Only for a moment_ , Bella conceded, and when she came out, she heard her father's words ringing clearly, with a violence and pain that she wished she could drown in her mind again.

"No more of this," Charlie said, his face crumpled up in pain, "we can't do this anymore. You're scaring the crap out of me and your mother, quite frankly. We've decided you should go to her."

Bella shook her head, _no, no, no_. "No, I'm _fine_ ," she forced out. Charlie looked unconvinced. "I'm—I'm going to go out more. I'm going to hang out with some friends soon. I promise."

"He's not going to come back, Bells," her father said, his face drawn into a sad face. Bella's heart ached. Had she caused this pain in her father? She glanced down at her hands that lay limp in her lap. 

"I know," she said, defeated. He wasn't coming back. She hadn't been waiting. She had just been...mourning. Bella got up, suddenly, restless with pain and anxiety. "I'll see my friends...and I'll stop...this," she said weakly. She couldn't lift her eyes to look at her father. She could feel her throat close up and tears blur her vision. She couldn't leave. She couldn't. 

Charlie didn't respond but it looked like he was assuaged, if only for a moment. Bella didn't wait for her father to say anything more before she made her way upstairs to her room. She still couldn't press this restlessness down in her. She kept pacing the floor of her bedroom. She needed to do something, to go somewhere. She felt an anxiousness bubbling inside of her. She stopped abruptly when inspiration struck her. She went down the stairs.

"I'm going to go outside for a while yeah?" she called out to her dad who was still seated in the kitchen, gazing outside the window. He looked away from the window, when Bella called out to him. She spied a look of worry and anxiety on her father's face before it was covered up quickly with a blank stare.

“Where?” Her dad asked, looking suspicious.

“I—,” Bella floundered for something to say, “I have some homework to catch up on. With Angela.” 

“Oh, alright. Be home by 10.” He said, choosing to hastily look outside the window again. Bella's heart hurt. She hated herself for hurting her dad like this. This wasn't only killing her but also her father...and her mom too, maybe. What was she to do, though? Where was she to bury this hurt? Bella felt her insides hurt as she sat in her truck and put the key in the ignition. She needed to get away from this pain, this emptiness, this _guilt._

She drove and drove before she realized she was heading towards the meadow. When the trail came in view, she stopped her truck and got out to make her way to the meadow. She felt like her heart was going to burst from the pain and the guilt. Where was she to go? Where was she to bury this pain? Bella felt her shoulders tremble and her throat close up as tears threatened to start spilling. As soon as she burst into the light, into the meadow, Bella fell to her knees and cried. She didn't want to be this pathetic and miserable. She didn't want to be hurting this much, especially because her pain was not just her own, but also her parents'. Heavy sobs broke through her body and she did not stop them. She wanted to apologize to her parents, she wanted to call Edward and beg him to take her back. _Not good enough_ , his voice still clearly rang through her ears. When was she going to be good enough for anyone? 

Exhausted from the crying, Bella lay down on the grass. The rays of the run filtering through the trees was dimming and putting her to sleep. She didn't fight it and let sleep take her in its soft embrace. When she came to, the sun was already setting and soon it would be dark. Panicking at what Charlie would think if she was to be found in the woods once again, Bella quickly got up and brushed herself off. She didn't want Charlie to know she had been anywhere near the woods, let alone _in_ it. It was only when she was brushing the grass out of her hair that a chill went down her spine. Someone was watching her. 

" _Isabella,_ " a voice said, chilling Bella's blood. She knew that voice. Her head snapped up and he was standing there, his eyes red and _hungry_. Laurent.

"Laurent," Bella whispered. As scared as she was, she also felt a rush of adrenaline and a sick feeling of _pleasure_ run through her body. She felt _alive_. Because if Laurent was real, then Edward, who had been disappearing from her memories, had been real too. The Edward, and the Cullens, at whom Bella was trying to grasp at desperately with her mind, were always dimming in her memories. She often felt herself wondering if anything had been real. Only the pain was a reminder of the events that she had experienced. Everything else was disappearing. _It will be like I never existed_. And Bella was fearing his words were coming true. But here was Laurent confirming her reality just with his existence. Everything she felt and experienced had been real. 

"I went by the Cullens' house," Laurent said, drawing Bella's attention back to him. Bella looked at him warily, her heart beating faster. She didn't like the look in his eye.

"Why?" Bella asked, her throat suddenly dry. She cleared her throat, uncomfortable. A slow, dangerous smile curved Laurent's lips.

"As a favor to Victoria, of course," he said, watching her with glee. "She wanted me to check if you were still under their protection. Do the Cullens visit?"

"Y-yeah, yes they do," she said. She heard Edward's voice inside her head, cutting through her like knife _lie better, lie, Bella. "_ I'll tell—," she cleared her throat, her heart aching as she forced out _his_ name, "Edward when he comes. Of your visit." 

Laurent gave her a knowing smile. "I'm not sure if such an occasion will rise, Bella. For how much could he care if he left you alone like this?" he murmured. Bella looked away from his mocking smile, unable to say anything. Laurent suddenly looked thoughtful, "Victoria will be unhappy but you are so delicious, I must have you to myself, can I not?" 

"No, I—," Bella began in a panic when Laurent suddenly closed the distance between them and hushed her, as if like a lover, "No, no, I'm doing you a favor," he said. "It will be painless. Unlike what Victoria has planned for you." Bella drew in a sharp breath and clenched her eyes shut. _No_ , she thought. She couldn't die like this, not without having seen Edward one last time. 

"No way," she heard Laurent whisper, and snapped her eyes open. She saw Laurent's eyes looking past her, at something behind her. Bella turned immediately to find... _a large black wolf?_ growling at them. Why did Laurent look so scared? The wolf was not alone, there was an entire pack behind him. Bella's heart started beating even faster. _This is how I die,_ she thought, _torn apart by vampires and wolves. Great._ She clenched her eyes shut and waited for the pain, a cry of fury _something_ , but when nothing happened, she opened her eyes to see Laurent backing away from her, from the _wolves_ , and making a run for it. The wolves seemed to ignore her entirely, with the way they left her untouched and followed the fast escaping Laurent into the woods. Except one wolf which seemed to have taken notice of Bella. She immediately froze, terror chilling her blood when the brown wolf came closer to her and seemed to _look_ at her...Bella had the eeriest sense of...being _perceived_ as if by a human being. She felt herself being drawn into brown eyes of the wolf, although she remain rooted to the ground. It was only when a sharp howl broke through the skies that Bella seemed to snap back to reality, and it seemed to have even awoken the beast in the wolf for without a moment's hesitation it disappeared into the direction the pack of wolves had disappeared into.

Bella did not waste a moment in running home. 

* * *

When Bella got home, she ran up the stairs and curled into a ball in her bed. Charlie was luckily not home to interrogate her, or Bella knew she would have broken down. She could feel her heart beat so loudly, it was ringing in her ears; her adrenaline still pumped and anxiety off the roof, she felt, she felt —alive. She felt alive; Bella realized. _What a sick masochist_ , she thought to herself. This is what got her off? Almost being killed. The adrenaline was so strong, though, it was addictive. It was not numbness or pain, it was _new_. It was a saving grace. 

When Bella came off the high of adrenaline, she was suddenly gripped with the anxiety of Laurent being back in town. She was sure he had been successful in killing those wolves and would be perhaps on his way to Victoria to tell that Bella was here all alone...Bella sat up, scared. Not for herself, but for her father. She didn't want anything to happen to Charlie because of her. He had suffered enough because of her. 

Bella bit her lip, nervous. What was she to do? She couldn't even contact the Cullens—not even Alice, her best friend, to let them know she was in danger. She felt a rush of anger go through her. Was that all the friendship they had between the two of them? The one that was connected only through Edward. If Edward had to break up with her, why did Alice also feel the need to do the same? Bella felt herself get angrier by the second. She felt betrayed. All this time she felt hurt and abandoned by Edward, but she had completely overlooked the fact that she had also been abandoned by her _friend_ , Alice. 

How convenient, Bella thought, bitterly, to be friends with Bella when she was dating Edward, but to leave her when Edward did. How fucking convenient, Bella thought, surprising herself. She wasn't the type to curse, but well, the situation demanded a wider vocabulary. _Yeah, you know what? Fuck, Alice, Fuck her!_ Bella winced at the uncharacteristic swearing but did not back away. She actually felt a bit better, she thought. She found it, Bella thought, her will to live. It would be through anger. _Fuck the Cullens,_ she thought, _who left her here unprotected. Fuck Edward who said she wasn't good enough for him, fuck Alice who abandoned her after forcefully entering her life. Fuck all of them_. Bella figured she felt much, much better. For exactly two seconds before the depression and sadness crept in again and she felt herself sinking into her bed. 

_Well_ , she thought, _I tried_.

When Charlie came home and ordered them pizzas for dinner, Bella forced herself to join her father in their kitchen. She wanted to prove it to him that she was willing to make an effort to get better. She wasn't sure how much her act convinced her father as he watched her with pursed lips. "Bella, I don't want you going to the woods," he said quietly. Bella looked at him, surprised. How did he know she went to the woods? "There's been animal attacks going on, reports of big dogs mauling people. I know you like to go to the woods but right now it's too dangerous, okay?" 

Bella nodded, satisfied that her father did not know that she had ventured into the woods only three hours ago and encountered the dogs—the _wolves_ , herself. So, they were attacking human beings? But then why didn't they come after her? She frowned, confused. Especially that one brown wolf that looked at her like... like as if ... Bella didn't know how to explain it. Or understand it. It was like being looked upon by another human being. She wanted to tell her dad about what she saw in the forest but was also scared she would be placed under house arrest or be shipped to California to her mum, so she kept quiet. "Be careful," she said, worried. 

"Always am," her father said, a smile curving his lips and a twinkle in his eye. "How was meeting Angela?" 

"I actually didn't get to meet her. She said she was busy," Bella mixed in a truth with a lie. "I just drove around Forks for a while before coming back home." That was the best way to lie to her cop father, she had learned. Charlie seemed to have bought it for he stopped scrutinizing her face and instead became lost in thought.

"You know whom you _could_ call?" he said, as if he had only just discovered the most brilliant idea, "Jacob. You should call him. He was always sweet on you, wasn't he?"

Bella rolled her eyes. "Dad," she groaned. 

"I don't mean to—you know— suggest that you get together with the boy. But I mean, he's a good boy and a good friend. You've known each other since you were kids, you should call him. Hangout with him," Charlie said, taking a sip of water, looking extremely satisfied. Bella gave him a dissatisfied look. Last she had seen Jacob was when they had found her in the woods. She felt a pang of hurt go through her. And after that Jacob had called to check up on her, but Bella had never gotten back to him. And she had kind of forgotten about him...and everybody, to be honest. She felt guilt wring her bones. Maybe it wasn't such a bad idea to call Jacob.

"Maybe I will," Bella said. Her dad looked up from his food, surprised she had answered him, and gave her a soft fond smile. Bella smiled back softly. "I'm sorry I worried you, Dad," she said quietly, her throat tightening. Charlie only smiled, his eyes crinkling on the sides. He reached a hand forward to place it on hers, which was spread on the table. Bella wondered how it had been for her dad after his divorce. While her mom had been quick to find another partner, her dad was still single... Her heart ached for her father.

After dinner and doing the dishes, Bella decided to call Jacob. She wondered if he’d be annoyed that she was calling so late in the evening, or if he would be annoyed to hear from her at all after her having not returned any of his calls from months ago. Gosh, what must he think of her? Was he thinking—Bella’s thoughts snapped away when the ringing stopped and someone picked up the phone.

“Hello?” It was Billy.

“Hi Billy, Bella this side, how are you doing?” she wryly smiled as she realized how sing-songy ‘Bella-Billy’ sounded.

“I’m doing good Bella. Good to hear from you. How are you?”

“is Jacob home?”

A pause. Bella frowned. “Oh, Jacob is—,” Another pause. Billy’s voice seemed a bit odd...or was it Bella’s thinking as he went on to say, “Jacob’s not at home at the moment. How about I have him call you once he is, home?”

“Uh, yeah, sounds good. Thank you, Billy!” Bella said, feeling a pang of disappointment. She hadn’t thought that he would be busy...living his life. Of course, Bella thought, trying to ease the disappointment, she could just try tomorrow. And she did. And the day after that, and the day after that. But Bella seemed to always catch Jacob at a bad time, or so Billy would say, for he was always out. Was he—was he avoiding her? Bella felt a pang of hurt go through her at the thought of it. But of course, Bella _did_ ignore him all those months ago when he tried to reach out to her...So she guessed this was only fair...Like all of the other people at school, Bella had managed to drive even Jacob away, hadn’t she? She wondered if she should drive down to La Push and speak to him about it. She didn’t want to leave things the way they were. But lucky for Bella, she didn’t need to. Jacob came to her. In a manner of speaking.

* * *

After managing to get into the good graces of her previous...friends?... Bella had decided to get lunch on a week with Angela and Jessica. They were sitting next to the window overlooking the main street. Angela was telling them about the new photography assignment she had undertaken recently when Bella felt a nudge on her arm from Jessica who was looking out the window. Bella followed her line of sight, questioningly.

“Don’t you kind of know him?” Jessica asked, jutting her chin in the direction of a couple of boys, jostling each other as they made their way down the street. Bella frowned. They did look familiar but...so different. It was Jacob! Had he cut his hair? And he looked... _buff_. Damn, was he on steroids?

“Yeah,” Bella’s eyes widened. “Jake!” Bella called out, unbidden, causing everyone in the restaurant to look at them. Jessica and Angela looked embarrassed, but Bella didn’t care as she made her way outside. She couldn’t believe her luck! She was saying Jacob after so long. Of all the places to run into him! Bella had been secretly thinking of ambushing him on the reservation but fate seemed to have other plans, clearly. As Bella came out into the street, she saw the tall figure of Jacob looking around him, confused at who the owner of the voice was and where they were hiding. She couldn’t help the smile that sneaked its way to her mouth.

“Jacob,” Bella called out again, as she walked towards him. He wasn’t alone. He was with a group of boys from the reservation. Bella felt she had seen at least two of them before—last year on the beach. Bella tried not to think of that time because it reminded her of Edward again. Jacob turned, a frown in place, which softened as his gaze landed on Bella. Bella felt encouraged by the small smile on his face and increased her pace. The group of boys who had been looking at Bella curiously, suddenly dispersed. Bella wondered what that was about but was immediately distracted by the fact that she was finally face-to-face with Jacob.

When Bella turned her gaze from the boys to the Jacob, a sudden change had overcome Jacob’s features. The softened expression from before had been replaced by a cold hardness. What had changed in a matter of few seconds? Bella felt puzzled.

“Jacob, hi,” she said, trying to maintain her earlier cheer, but she could feel a heaviness already settle into her bones. She didn’t like the way Jacob was looking at... with so much hostility.

“Hi Bella,” Jacob said, coldly.

“I—,” Bella began, her eyes wandering to the boys behind Jacob who were still watching them curiously...almost an annoyed, defensive expression on their faces. What was going on? “I tried calling you,” Bella said, returning her gaze back to Jacob who still had a stony expression on his face. “A couple of times, actually,” she added when Jacob didn’t say anything.

“Yes, dad told me,” he said in a matter-of-fact way. Bella cleared her throat.

“You—, um, okay, how you have been?” She asked, awkward. She could feel his friends’ boring holes into her.

“I’ve been alright,” Jacob replied curtly.

“That’s good to know,” Bella said, her voice tinged with bitterness. If he was alright then why didn’t he return any of her calls? She was afraid to ask. She couldn’t take rejection. Maybe he just didn’t want to hang out with her... But why was he being an asshole about it?

“I should go,” he said after a moment of silence. Bella looked at him with disbelief. 

“Jacob,” Bella whispered hurt. “Why are you being like this?”

“I don’t know what you mean,” Jacob said, not meeting her gaze.

“So... cold...and so...,” Bella felt her throat close up. She felt tears threatening to spill but she swallowed angrily, pushing down the pain. Why was he being like this? So rude and so cold. “I’m sorry for not—for when you called and I didn’t answer. I was,” Bella broke off to swallow again, “going through a hard time. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

Jacob finally met her gaze. “I don’t care about that Bella,” he said, his eyes hard. Bella frowned, looking at him confused and hurt.

“Then, why? What did I do wrong?”

A look of pain flashed on Jacob’s face before it was covered up with a blank stare. “Nothing, Bella. You did nothing,” there was a softness to his voice, although his face still carried the same coldness from before.

“Then why are you being like this?” Bella asked.

“Jacob,” a voice called out from behind them. Bella watched as Jacob turned to see one of the boys call out to him to go. “I have to go,” Jacob said, a strange urgency in his voice.

“But Jake,” Bella began but Jacob was already moving away. Without realizing what she was doing, Bella’s hand snatched out to grab Jacob’s wrist. Jacob seemed as shocked as Bella. “Tell me what’s wrong, first,” she bit out, angry and hurt.

Jacob glanced at her palm wrapped around his wrist for a second before shrugging it off easily. “Good bye, Bella,” he said, giving her a one last look before running after his friends who had already begun to walk away from them. Bella stood there, hurt and bewildered. What the hell just happened? That was so unlike the Jacob she knew...

“Hey, you alright there?” she felt someone ask. It was Angela. She had a worried expression on her face. Bella swallowed, nodding.

“I’m going to go home,” Bella said, her eyes on the road.

“Okay,” Angela said softly, placing an arm on her shoulder. Without another word to either Jessica or Angela, Bella started walking towards her truck.

Why was Jacob acting like this? He was her oldest friend. Why was he being like this? Acting like a stranger and acting as if Bella was a nuisance. _Not good enough for me_ , Bella clenched her eyes shut, willing the memory, the voice away. Is that what Jacob thought of her too? Not good enough for his friendship...not good enough to—Bella pulled herself into her truck and shut the door with a loud slam. She stared at the road in front of her. She wanted to get out of there. She felt choked.

She decided to go to the meadow. She knew it wasn’t a good idea but also, the wolves last time didn’t really hurt her, and it was the first time she had seen them there, and who was to say they would be there again, right? Laurent may be back though, Bella thought. Well, so be it. She didn’t care. Not anymore. Let her die and let Edward find out what had happened and burn with guilt. For it was one thing that Edward did well, it was to feel guilty over everything. Bella felt a sick sadistic pleasure at the thought of Edward being tormented by her death. He deserved it, for making her suffer like this. By the time Bella reached the meadow, the sky was

She made her way into the woods, through the trees and up the creek till she came upon the clearing. Her eyes scanned the area for any wild animal. Nothing. Before she realized it, she felt her eyes droop and shut of their own accord. She felt so tired and sleepy. It had been a long day at school and getting to the meadow also took some energy. Perhaps a small nap wouldn’t be so bad. The sun was shining warmly, and the wind was cool, perhaps it wouldn’t be so—these were her last thoughts before sleep overcame her.

* * *

When she woke up, it was with a start. She glanced at her phone. It was six in the evening. She had slept for two hours!? She brushed the grass off of her clothes, marveling at the fact that she had not gotten cold despite the fact that there was a sharp chill in the air. Her hands moved to her head, expecting a haystack buried in her hair but her fingers touched nothing. No grass? That was weird... Bella suddenly wondered what it was that woke her up. The answer to her question came in the form of a low growl from behind her. Or was it a purr. Whatever it was, it wasn’t human. Bella got to her knees, refusing to look behind her, as she gathered her books and stuffed them in her book bag. She could feel the purring increase. Was it the wolves from before? Bella was too scared to look behind her. But she suddenly remembered what woke her up

It was a jerk. Something had pushed her which had caused her to wake up with a start, Bella remembered hazily. Still too scared to look behind her, Bella got up slowly to her feet. She felt the creature behind her move with her. What the hell!? She tried to calm down her breathing and heartbeat. She had read somewhere that animals could smell your fear. Well, too late now, she thought to herself drily, for she was a minute away from shitting her pants in fear. When Bella made to walk away the purring increased to a low growl. Bella stopped, hesitating. The growling stopped.

Refusing to turn behind but still curious and frustrated, Bella tried to look over her shoulder. From the corner of her eye she managed to spot a big brown mass of fur. Okay, could be a wolf from before, she deduced. But was that a good thing or a bad thing? Unsure, Bella took another step forward only to be again greeted by the growl. She stopped her tread forward and was not surprised when the growling stopped. So, the creature—possibly, a wolf from before—did not want her to leave!? What was this? What was she to do? How long was she going to stand there frozen in fear, without any relief? She had to look back and see for herself what it was. She had to face her fears.

Bella took a deep breath, clenched her eyes shut with fear, and turned around rapidly. Whatever it was, it was going to be okay, she told herself as she slowly opened her eyes. Her heart stopped with horror for a second at the anticipation of the terror that was awaiting her only to be greeted with—nothing. There was nothing in front of her except the vast expanse of greenery. Had she imagined it? First, she was hallucinating Edward, and now, she’s hearing wolf noises?

“What the hell?” Bella whispered to herself. She didn’t want to stay in the meadow a second longer. She turned to run homewards but let out a shriek when she came face-to-face with two big pairs of yellow-brown eyes. She immediately lost her footing, falling to the ground. It was one of the wolves from before. Not any one of them, but _the_ one that had stopped before to look at her. It was staring down at her.

Bella felt her breath become ragged and shallow, she tried to gasp for breath as the terror spread through veins chilling her blood. “N-no,” she breathed out, horrified. She wanted to scream louder but the intense way in which the wolf was staring down at her choked any words she felt forming at the back of her throat. The wolf stepped towards her and opened its mouth— This is how I die, she thought to herself. At least it’s not at the hands of Victoria, Bella thought to herself. She closed her eyes in fear, unable to stand the reality of her life any longer, only to feel a wetness on her cheek. She snapped opened her eyes in surprise. Did the wolf just...lick her face? As if to prove her doubts right, the wolf again opened its massive mouth—and licked Bella across the face. The wolf moved a little away from her, wagging its tail, but not before licking Bella’s face one last time.

“Eugh,” Bella groaned, as she wiped the saliva off of her face, half-sitting up and looked at the wolf incredulously. Was this happening for real? Did the wolf just lick her face and wag its tail at her? Bella couldn’t help crack a nervous smile as she made to stand up again. It was a massive wolf.

Even standing up, she was smaller than the wolf. Bella remembered seeing wolves as a kid in a zoo on school trips, and even on the National Geographic channel, but nothing like this. Were wolves supposed to be this massive? Maybe they had bigger wolves here. She shrugged as she considered the wolf in front of her in awe. The wolf suddenly moved forward, causing Bella to take a step backwards in fear. But she stopped when she realized the wolf meant no harm and was only pressing its snout against her palm.

Bella held herself there, letting the wolf sniff her palm or whatever it was doing. It kept nudging Bella’s palm as if seeking something. Bella lifted a hand, unsure, as she pet the wolf’s head. Bella watched, fascinated, as the wolf closed its eyes, seemingly at peace. A howl broke through the sky startling Bella, and even the wolf. It backed away immediately and howled in return. Bella wondered if the other wolves were making their way over to where she was and felt panic rise in her. The brown wolf in front of her stopped howling to suddenly look at Bella. Bella’s eyes widened as the wolf gave her a long look before running off into the woods. Bella found herself running home a second time in the same month. This was some record, she thought to herself.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where Bella goes to therapy and figures out some shit. Or nothing, really. But she goes to therapy. And meets the wolf in the woods again.

Bella took out her laptop and went through all the undelivered mails she had written to Alice. Bella shut her laptop, upset. She felt the restless feeling in her bones again. She knew where she wanted to go and what she wanted to do. But she was afraid she wasn't making the sane right choices. _Since when did you start caring about sanity,_ she asked herself, dryly.

She was still upset with the way Jacob had treated her. What was wrong with him? Bella felt annoyance spark in her again; at Edward, at Jacob, at Alice, at everything. What did everyone think of her? Did they think she was a ragdoll to always be cast aside? _Maybe you are_ , a voice said quietly. Bella clenched her teeth annoyed with herself. She knew a part of her would always love Edward—hell, love the Cullens; and would always crave for their attention and approval. She got up and put on her shoes that lay discarded at the foot of her bed. She wanted to leave, _now_. She felt suffocated.

Later she would not even remember walking down the stairs or getting into her truck to drive to the meadow. All she would remember was finding herself in the meadow. She felt...odd. Not sad, or happy, or numb. Just...something odd. The sun still high in the sky so she did not worry about time.

She looked around, wondering if the wolf was anywhere to be seen, but only felt a pang of disappointment in her when she was greeted by an expanse of grass. She sat down with a thud. _Graceful_ , she thought to herself sarcastically. She was so very clumsy, wasn't she? Edward never failed to tease her about it.

At the thought of Edward, Bella felt herself physically flinch. "What do you want from me?" she felt herself say quietly to the nothingness in front of her. "Where do I take all of this loneliness," she asked no one in particular as she lay down in the grass. _What did I even do before I met Edward?_ She thought, bored, letting the pain seep into her again. She didn't want to fight anymore. Before she knew it, sleep numbed her pain pulling her into its warmth.

When Bella awoke, it was almost dark. She shot upright, panicking, dusting herself off and quickly making her way to her truck. If it had grown any darker, then she wouldn't have been able to make her way out and she did not want to pause to think of the consequences of _that_. Charlie would have a fit. She would be grounded for life. The whole town would hear of her again and wherever she went their sad pitiful eyes would follow her; like they didn't already. How could she fall asleep like that? She was such an idiot! Correction: she was an idiot for thinking Edward loved her.

When Bella reached home, she found her dad's car outside. As she entered, for the second time that week, after dark, all alone looking disheveled, she knew it would not bode well for her.

"Bella, where have you been?" Charlie asked as soon as she entered, his eyes suspicious.

Her dad seemed to have just come home, seeing as he was still in work clothes. Bella licked her lips nervously, searching for an answer.

"I was out."

" _Where_?" Charlie searched her face for clues. Bella cleared her throat.

"Just for a drive, dad. What's with the interrogation?"

Charlie did not answer, choosing to come close to Bella and... _sniff_. "Dad, what are you doing?" Bella cried out, annoyed. Charlie did not budge; he took another long sniff. Something seemed to have satisfied him, for he moved away from her.

"Just checking something."

"For _weed_?" Bella asked, rolling her eyes. God, did he really think she would go out and do weed? When she could just do it in the comfort of her own room? At her words, Bella saw her dad's eyebrows shoot up and disappear into his hair.

She watched as her dad's face turned red and blue comically. "Well, you do stay up in your room all day and disappear for hours sometimes. I can't help but wonder!" Charlie threw up his hands in frustration. "I'm—I'm," he broke off, as if he was physically hurting. A pang of pain and guilt ran through Bella.

"Dad, I'm—,"

Her dad held up a hand as he stared at the ground, looking as if he was trying to gain control over his breathing. "I'm—I can't do this anymore, Bells," he said, sounding defeated. Bella looked at him, confused and hurt. What did he mean? Was he going to leave her too? Like he did, all those years ago? "I know you don't want to leave," he said, finally meeting her eyes. "But you have to go to therapy." He shook his head, stopping Bella as she opened her mouth to protest. "That's the last thing I'm going to say. Otherwise you'll be flying to your mother tomorrow morning."

Bella felt her eyes sting with tears as she felt a wave of betrayal go through her. How could her dad do this to her? She was not a child! She did _not_ need therapy. She didn't have mental issues. All she needed was some time to get over...to _pretend_ that she was not hurting as much as she was...Nothing could heal her from Edward, she knew that. Nothing could take away the pain. But seeing the determination on her father's face scared Bella. The only thing she could do was run up to her room and scream into her pillow at the atrocities life was inflicting on her.

She didn't hear the sound of footsteps coming upstairs—perhaps because she had been occupied with her screaming–and was surprised when it creaked open and her dad's head popped in through the creak to say, "I'm guessing that's a yes to the therapy?"

Bella gave him her best glare. Her dad only cracked a smile. "Gotcha," he said, nodding. She would think later, that it was the first genuine smile she had seen him crack in months.

* * *

"This is stupid," Bella said, her arms crossed across her chest. "I thought we'd talk about this more."

It was a _Sunday_ and her dad had woken her up at seven in the fricking morning to take her to some shrink Billy had recommended in Port Angeles. Her mood had soured further at the mention of Billy because it reminded her of Jake and his behavior last time, she had run into him.

"Nope," Charlie said, his lips popping at the 'p'. He rolled down the windows, letting the morning chill in, and began whistling. Bella wanted to argue and put up a fight, but she felt too tired and sleepy. It _was_ a long drive to Port Angeles, so she may as well sleep, she thought.

* * *

Bella looked around the room she was in. It was a nice room, she supposed. With white walls and a desk and two chairs and a large window for the sun to come in plentifully—it was calming and warm. There was a large shelf adjacent to the door with all sorts of memorabilia and books in it.

Bella had been escorted into this room when Charlie and she had reached the Doctor's office. Charlie was made to sit outside in the lounge where he had looked nervous and unsure about the whole ordeal. Bella had not made an effort to placate him. It was his fault they were in this situation, after all. As Bella contemplated getting up and examining the shelves, the door opened, and a native American woman stepped inside.

"Hello, Isabella," the woman said as she entered, giving Bella a warm smile. Bella immediately crossed her arms across her chest, nervous.

"Bella," she corrected, looking at the floor. "My name is Bella."

"Okay, _Bella_ ," the woman said with emphasis. Bella struggled to remember the name on the door she had read right before she had come in. Wow, she _was_ really losing it, wasn't she? Bella did not have to think for long because the doctor introduced herself.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, I'm Grace Uley." Bella looked up to see her smiling. Bella looked away again, but not before giving her a nod of acknowledgement. She didn't want to be rude.

"How have you been?" Grace Uley asked.

"Good, thank you," Bella replied politely, meeting her gaze. The woman's eyes crinkled, a smile curving her lips.

"That's good to know. Tell me something about yourself."

"There's not much to say," Bella said, looking at her fingers in her lap. She felt lame.

"Why is that?"

"It's too much pressure to be fun and interesting, which is why I've made peace with the fact that I'm boring as hell," Bella said, cracking a smile. Dr. Uley let out a short laugh. It seemed genuine.

And then, "Okay then...Why don't you tell me about something you like to do?"

"I like...reading books, sometimes. I guess." She _did_ like reading books, but she couldn't remember the last time she had read one in the past few months.

Dr. Uley smiled faintly. "What kind of books?"

" _Wuthering Heights_ is my favorite," Bella said. It was all she could remember.

"Ah, that's a good novel. What else do you like to do?"

"I like...just hanging out, or _in_ , I guess," Bella said, suddenly feeling self-conscious about the fact that she didn't do a lot of things. She didn't have one decent thing to tell the doctor. She did not want to tell her about the meadow, lest the information get back to her father and she be grounded for life.

"With friends?"

Bella shook her head, feeling a bit embarrassed for some reason. "Alone," she mumbled.

"Do you have fun spending time alone with yourself, Bella?"

"Fun...?" Bella frowned. She didn't mind it. She didn't like spending time with people she didn't know. "I like being alone."

"But do you enjoy it?"

"Yeah, I guess," Bella said, biting her lip. She wasn't sure.

"That's good," Dr. Uley nodded, "tell me about him."

Bella's eyes, which were dragging across the length of the floor, snapped to hers, in shock. She didn't think Dr. Uley would ask her to talk about...it...so soon. Bella heaved a sigh. "I—I don't know where to start."

Dr. Uley nodded her head, understandably, as she said, "why don't you tell me how you met him?"

"He—he was in my school. And I first met him in biology class," Bella could feel her surroundings disappear, and she could feel the cool sudden shock of wind behind her from the table fan, as she entered the classroom. Her scent had caught Edward off guard at that point. Of course, Bella did not know it at that point and had only been self-conscious about smelling bad. A small smile curved her lips as she felt a wave of nostalgia wash over her. It seemed like such a long time ago.

"He was beautiful," Bella found herself saying. Why had she been so afraid to speak about Edward? Hadn't she been afraid, all this while, that her memories were weakening and that she was losing him? This was her chance to get him back, through recollection, through her words. Bella did not hold herself back as the words poured out of her.

"He was so beautiful and lovely, when I first saw him, I couldn't believe a person like that could exist. And then he did something no one could ever anticipate. He took notice...of _me,"_ Bella stared off into the distance as disbelief and amazement washed over her anew, "he took notice of me. Nobody takes notice of me. I'm...ordinary," her eyebrows crinkled, in displeasure, before her face softened again.

"And he made me feel so special and protected; he was always there for me. He loved me so earnestly, and I loved him so very much." She felt her throat close up as the tears started to spill. She drew the back of her hand across her cheeks hastily. "But he left...because I wasn't good enough for him," a sob broke out of her throat, unable to contain her grief in. "I was never good enough for him, of course I knew that. But he _said_ it! And he said what I feared. And ...he left." Bella shook her head in disbelief. "I can't believe it ended the way it did. I can't believe he left."

Bella glanced at Dr. Uley's face which had softened during the course of the session. She pressed her lips into a thin line in a sympathetic way. "He left, but you're still here, Bella," she said. Bella gave her a look of confusion for pointing out the obvious. Was this woman stupid? Had she been listening to her at _all_?

"He left. But you, what about you Bella? What happens to you?"

"Nothing," Bella spat out, angry and hurt, "nothing happens to me." She couldn't understand what the doctor was insinuating.

"You have frozen yourself in time. In the moment he left. You have tried to bury yourself in that moment and that doesn't work. Everybody needs to work through their pain in their own way. But you have refused to do so, it seems. You have frozen yourself in that moment, locked yourself in it. So that _if_ he ever returns, he may unlock it." Grace Uley had spoken softly, with no light undertones; no judgement reeking from her speech or her manner. She had spoken with such a blunt objectivity that was strangely tender in the way it had been delivered. Bella felt herself shiver. She did not contradict Dr. Uley only gazed at the floor vacantly.

"You're eighteen," Dr. Uley said. Bella flinched at the reminder of her age. It was a year older than Edward; it also reminded her of the disastrous birthday party. If Dr. Uley saw her flinch, she didn't mention it. "You have a whole world of possibility lying in front of you. But what do you want to do with it, Bella?"

"I want to...," _die,_ she wanted to say, but she didn't. "I want to...," she searched for something else to say. What did she want? What did she want? "I want the pain to stop...But I fear that with the pain, I will also lose...him...forever. And then, what do I do? Where do I go?" Bella asked, biting her lip anxiously, in desperation. She felt her eyes roam around the room in panic. What was she to do without even the memories of Edward?

"What about you?" Dr. Uley's question snapped Bella back to reality.

"Huh?" Bella looked at her in annoyed confusion.

"You said you might lose him forever. But what about you? Is it okay for you to lose yourself?"

"Yes!" Bella exclaimed, frustrated, her voice loud. Dr. Uley did not flinch.

"Why?" Dr. Uley asked, calm.

"Because—because it doesn't matter!" Bella almost yelled. Was this woman deaf? Had she not been listening to her? Bella did not want to talk about this anymore. It was making her feel all sorts of way. And it felt—

"Because you don't matter?" Dr. Uley's question, which was spoken in a calm and clear tone, caused Bella to pause the rambling inside her head and consider the question.

"I don't," Bella frowned, her voice small now. "I—I don't know."

Dr. Uley nodded. "I want you to think about that for our next session." Bella looked at her surprised. Was an hour already up? It seemed so because Dr. Uley was writing something furiously on her notepad.

"And I have another homework for you," she said, looking up with a smile, meeting Bella's frowning but curious face, "I want you to find a hobby. Something you like doing _outside_ of your room. Maybe taking a walk, or playing hide-and-seek with a friend, or even a game of catch, I don't know. Anything." Dr. Uley smiled again, her eyes crinkling on the sides.

Bella nodded absently. She wasn't coming back for a second session.

* * *

Although Bella had decided that in retrospect the session with Dr. Uley had not been _that_ bad—and Charlie's self-satisfied smug face had not helped in the least in accepting this—and although she was determined to not return, she couldn't help but think about the things Dr. Uley had said. Or the things Bella herself had said. As she lay on her bed, her eyes traced the cracks on the ceiling as she pondered upon the doctor's question.

She really did not feel she was a person who deserved love or someone who mattered. What did Dr Uley mean when she said Bella should think about it? She _had_ been thinking about it since she was a child. She never mattered...enough. Did not matter enough for her parents to stay together, for her dad to not leave her, and then her mom to stay. And then Edward.

She frowned; she didn't like thinking about this. She didn't want to think about this anymore. She wanted to go to the woods. "Discover a _hobby_ ,"Dr Uley had said, "play hide-and-seek or catch" or some other silly game. It had sounded a bit patronizing. Bella made a face at the thought of it. But it did give her something to do. Going to the woods was a hobby, Bella rationalized. Play catch with the wolf, she smirked. If possible. She was going to make a day outing out of it, she decided.

What do wolves like to play with? Bella thought as she went downstairs. Bella packed herself a lunch of roast beef sandwich and some chocolate cookies she had baked earlier before she headed into the woods with her book bag. She wasn't sure if the wolf would be there but hoped it would. And she wasn't disappointed.

A half hour into reaching the meadow and reading a book, Bella heard the rustling. She put her book down and looked up in anticipating, her heart beating fast. She felt the excitement course through her veins—she felt alive. The long shadows of the forest gave way to the brown wolf emerging from it. Bella smiled.

The wolf paused—still quite far, as if considering Bella. Bella also chose this moment to consider the wolf. It was the first time Bella had been conscious and waiting for the wolf without being caught aware. She had not only been expecting it but waiting _for_ it. Bella waited patiently as the wolf walked towards her slowly. It was much larger than Bella imagined it to be. When it stopped a foot away from her, Bella rose to her feet to pet it. Its fur was soft and shiny.

Bella's face lit up with amusement and awe as she ran her fingers through the massive body of the wolf. The fur was so soft to touch. A giggle broke through her throat when she pet the wolf's head and scratched its chin, and a deep satisfying growl rumbled through its throat. Bella moved away and sat down, cross-legged, on the grass. The wolf followed her, choosing to lay next to her. Bella took out the lunch she had packed and divided it between them. The larger half for the sandwich for the wolf, of course. It finished in a gulp. Of course, it did. Bella looked thoughtful for a moment before offering it the cookies.

"You're like a dog, aren't you?" she said in awe as the wolf munched away on the chocolate chip cookies. Good thing she had brought plenty. They took ten seconds for the wolf to finish. Progress. Bella smiled, satisfied.

"Maybe I could train you, and you could be like, hm, my partner-in-crime, or," she looked around the meadow, trying to gather her thoughts together, "you could...I dunno, do something hm, like what though," she frowned thoughtfully, "You could bite someone for me." A devious smile spread on Bella's face at the thought.

"I want you to bite someone. Jacob Black. In the ass," she giggled at the thought of that. "That'd be nice," she said quietly. "Maybe the Cullens too," she whispered, her eyes shining with mischief. That'd be hilarious. But not quite. That's not a good thing to think about, she admonished herself.

"You're like a really good listener," Bella said, but then immediately narrowed her eyes. "Though I guess, I really did say like three things there." Bella looked away; suddenly hit with the realization that she was talking to an animal. "I've really gone crazy, haven't I?" She looked at the puffs of white clouds floating in the sky; there was a slight cool breeze in the air. "And I didn't even need drugs," she snorted to herself. She looked back the wolf, who looked back at her with piercing yellow gold eyes. It reminded Bella of Edward's eyes. She looked away immediately. Before her thoughts could veer into Edward's direction entirely, her eyes snagged on something, distracting. A broken tree branch.

She got up to get the broken tree branch. It was larger and heavier than what you would, with a dog, but it seemed fit for the wolf. "Stick," she said, pointing to the branch. "I'm going to throw it and you will fetch it, okay?"

The wolf looked at her blankly. Bella's eagerness dimmed a bit realizing the wild animal could not possibly understand her. So, Bella decided to try and _show_ it what to do. She threw the branch as far as she could.

"Go, go, fetch!" she said, eagerly. When the wolf didn't budge Bella decided it was futile to try and play this game. "A ball of catch has been efficiently crossed off the list, Dr. Uley," she muttered to herself. At least she had tried. As she approached the Wolf again, sans stick, a thought occurred to her. "You know what we _could_ do," she said, sounding excited, "We could have wiccan rituals in the woods around bonfires and go around screaming some pagan god's name." She had read Arthur Miller's _The Crucible_ lately. A fascinating look into how men can make everything about themselves. But essentially a book about the Salem Witch Massacres.

The wolf only stared back at her. "Unimpressed? Huh," Bella muttered to herself, amused. She glanced at her phone to check the time. It had been an hour since she'd been here. Not that long but she felt like she was ready to head back in. She felt...tired.

She started collecting her things, wrappers to throw. "Meet back tomorrow here, same time?" she asked the wolf who seemed to be distracted by something in the grass—it was just gnawing at something stubbornly.

"I'll take that as a ...," Bella trailed off, feeling stupid that she was having a pretend conversation with a wolf. She put her bag on and started walking towards the trail that lead to her to the truck. She was surprised when the big blur of brown brushed past her to stand in front of her again.

Bella looked confused. What did the wolf want? Was it going to finally eat her? It only put its large head on Bella's shoulder for a moment and ran off into the woods. Did it just boop her goodbye? Bella shrugged as she went on home.


End file.
